If you find yourself facing an unplanned pregnancy, adoption as an option will be one of the most important choices to consider. Adoption is not a perfect system, but when choosing between life-giving adoption, and abortion, which takes your unborn baby’s life, the choice is clear. Whichever decision you make, you will always be a mother – of an infant placed with a loving family, or of a child whose death you will always remember.
If at anytime during your decision-making process you feel forced or pressured toward “only one solution” by someone – a boyfriend, parent or clinic worker – you would be wise to consult others whom you trust.
A complete listing of Wisconsin pregnancy help centers can be found online.
Click for a list of agencies in Wisconsin. (PDF LINK)
Making an Adoption Plan
Planning to place your child for adoption is one of the hardest, and most selfless, decisions a woman can make. Luckily, a lot has changed in the last 50 years, making it easier for women to make this choice.
Women who consider adoption as an option and place their child for adoption are not bad parents or bad people. In fact, it is quite the opposite. There is no shame in not being ready, or not wanting to be, a parent. It also provides the ability to be a parent to a family that is ready, but may be having difficulties growing a family on their own.
Even if you are certain that adoption is something you want to do, there may still be many questions surrounding the idea. Here are some of the most common questions people have.
I don’t want to abort my baby. What are my options?
There are many options, other than abortion, that a woman can choose from that will protect her future and the future of her baby. We encourage adoption as an option.
- Have the baby and keep him/her. This option may seem unrealistic to those in tough situations, but there are resources and people that will come alongside her to ensure she and the baby are taken care of. Within this option, there are many options for continued education (such as trade school or college) that actually become more attainable upon becoming a parent. Once a woman becomes pregnant, she has the ability to apply and qualify for grants for education (funds that do not need to be repaid).
- Adoption is another option that carries many options within it.
- Open adoption allows the woman to meet and interview families so that she may choose the one she wants her baby to. She may also choose to stay involved in the baby’s life.
- Closed adoption is when the adoption agency chooses the family and the woman does not have to meet them. Planning for adoption can be a very emotional process for many, this option takes the stress off the mother.
- Safe Haven is a program that also takes away the planning and stress off of the mother. In fact, this program began to help abused women escape from her abuser and keep the baby far away from the reach of the abuser as well. Today, women who are emotionally struggling with signing papers or planning any of this in advance use Safe Haven. Upon delivery, if a woman says the words “Safe Haven” to her nurse, by law they cannot ask her any questions. They will just take the baby from birth, with no penalty for the mother, and place the baby for adoption from the hospital. Many loving families are approved to be Safe Haven families and will take in and adopt them. There is a 72 hour window, with no penalty, if the woman would like to change her mind.
Safe Haven for Newborns Information | Wisconsin Department of Children and Families
Shared Parenting or Grandparenting
This means that you and your parents raise your child as a family effort. Many children have grown up happily in the stable environment provided by a mother and loving grandparents. This option requires that your parents have the time, resources (and most importantly) the willingness to help you raise your child. Challenging? Maybe, but this option may be a good way to parent while you juggle your school or career schedule. Many cases when a woman tells her family about an unplanned pregnancy they may express disappointment or sadness, these are normal processing emotions. Give them time, after the news has settled in most grandparents are thrilled and want to help.
Consider the Father
You also want to consider how the father may be able to support you and the child. If the father can help you provide a safe, positive environment, then your child will benefit. Loving two-parent families where both the father and mother take their responsibilities seriously and help to support each other provide a much more positive environment for the physical and emotional health of your child. You and the baby’s father should explore these issues together before you make a decision.
Discovery of Special Needs During Pregnancy
There is a lot of false information given about placing a baby for adoption with special needs. There are many adoption agencies that have long waiting lists of families that have passion to adopt a child with special needs. Angel Adoption is one of the agencies that have this. The families that are waiting typically have health insurance that covers surgeries and therapy that a child may need when he/she is born.
Domestic Newborn Adoption | Angel Adoption (angeladoptioninc.com)
Affording Prenatal Care
The cost for prenatal care, vitamins, and clothing to accommodate a growing belly can be expensive. When a woman chooses a family to adopt her baby, in advance, these costs can be covered by the adopting family. They even help with groceries, counseling and maternity leave after delivery. Women who choose to carry their baby are well loved and cared for by adoptive families during and well after pregnancy.
“My name is Amber (alias) and I am 23 years old. I am a single mother of two young children. I became pregnant shortly after my youngest was born. I panicked, and was searching for alternative options. I wish I knew more about adoption as an option at that time, because it could have saved us both. I called and made an appointment for an abortion, but I had waited so long because I had to save up money, that when I finally got there is when I was told that the pill can only be used until 10 weeks, I was 17 weeks. I lied to the doctor and said that I was 12 weeks. They didn’t check to see how far along I was, they just proceeded with the D & E. When they attempted to terminate the pregnancy, the baby was too big and I began hemorrhaging. I was quickly sent to a nearby hospital where I stayed for two weeks.
They surgically ended my pregnancy and said that my chances of becoming pregnant again were slim. I tried to forget this nightmare every day by drinking and using drugs. 6 months later, I was pregnant again. I wasn’t suppose to be able to get pregnant. I was so depressed and angry. I didn’t want to relive the day I had tried to forget again, so I contacted a local pregnancy center to help.
They gave me different adoption resources to choose from and options I didn’t know existed. I knew I couldn’t take care of this baby. I needed to focus on my other two kids and adding a third to the mix is more than I could bear to think about. At the pregnancy center I was able to make an adoption plan for my baby. The family that adopted my baby were so kind to me. They helped me find strength and showered me with love. I don’t have a lot of family, but they made me feel like I had them.
They keep in touch with me now even. They check in on me and care about how my kids and I are doing. I’m so grateful for them, and they are grateful to me. I wish I would have known this was an option, it would have saved my other baby’s life and saved me from the pain I feel everyday from the choice I made before I knew better. I hope that when people read this, they don’t judge me. Instead, I hope they learn from me and really look at their options. I don’t know anyone with a good abortion story, but I know many with great adoption stories.”